In Court

                                    

                             

In Court

 

By Gary DeVaney

Scenario

 

Judge: Mr. Believer Defendant, you are accused of selling tainted meat to a family that resulted in two dead and one terminally ill. How do you plead?

Defendant: Innocent, your honor.

Judge: Do you wish to testify on you own behalf?

Defendant: Yes, your honor.

Judge: Swear him in.

Defendant: Your honor, if you swear me in on this here Bible, I would like it to show in the record that it was done.

 

Sworn In On The Bible?

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Judge: Granted, because I believe in God; and in my court, you will respect God, country, me and my court. Did you sell this family meat?

Defendant: Sir, because you believe in God, I will tell you the facts. Yes, your honor.

Judge: Where did you get the meat?

Defendant: I found it dead in the back woods, your honor.

Judge: Describe it’s condition.

Defendant: Well, your honor, it stank a little and had a few maggots that I scrapped off, but, I knew it would be ok.

Judge: In your defense what evidence do you have to prove that you are innocent?

Defendant: Well, your honor, turn to this very King James Bible you swore me in on to Deuteronomy 14:21.God directed: “Ye shall not eat of anything that dieth of itself, thou shalt give it or sell it to a stranger to eat.” God told me to sell to a stranger some rancid meat. If he gets sick or dies, it’s God’s will, not mine. I was just following God’s Biblical orders. Judge, if you find me guilty, and, if you believe in the Bible; you must find God guilty too.

 

Don’t Eat An Animal That Died On Its Own

 

Case dismissed…

 

“You’re Taking It Out Of Context!”

Believer’s Defense Tactics

 

Scenario:

Judge: Ok, accused, tell your story.

Accused: Well judge, I broke into the place and went over and smashed the jewelry case and took the jewels. Then, I destroyed some furniture, blew open the safe, shot the maid, took the money, smoked some crack cocaine and went to a movie.

 

 

Judge: You shot the maid?

 

                                               I Shot The Maid

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Accused: Judge, you’re taking it out of context.

Judge: This court has determined that the fact you shot the maid has a context and an importance of it’s own. You are found guilty by your own admission.

 

Accountable Time

 

Questions? Comments?

gary@gdevaney.com